Hey all,
I was looking through the blog today, and I've made a couple comments on some posts, and have really enjoyed reading what other people have posted as well.
This is going to sound kind of silly, but I left a comment about how happy I am when I meet DHH majors, blah blah blah, and at the end I said I knew I was going to be a good teacher (not bragging, out of context that sounds really conceited, but I promise I'm not that full of myself), but then I got to thinking. I know that sounds terrible, but every once in a while I think about all the "What if?"'s our there and I am stricken with fear! What if I screw it all up? What if I fall flat on my face, and all my students don't learn anything? What if I wasn't meant to teach Deaf students? I think that is fairly normal to have moments of doubt, because we are human after all.
But I can say that no matter how scared I am, I can't imagine doing anything else. I love ASL, and Deafness way to much. Also, for whatever reason I have teaching on my heart, and I've decided that it is what I am going to do, no matter how scary it might be, or how hard it gets. I think the harder classes get, and the harder I have to work make me love it all even more, just because I get so excited about the future too. I can't wait to have my own classroom!
So to sum up: I'm terrified, and loving every minute of it!
Natalie, I think that's the most healthy thing I've heard! Do you know how TERRIFIED I am so many nights that I'm NOT going to prepare you all well and you're going to come back in 5 years and say WHY DIDN'T YOU TELL ME . . .???? I'll say, I only had ONE class to teach you X, Y, Z!
ReplyDeleteYou WILL BE a phenomenal teacher because you take the responsibility seriously to do your best, to have high expectations, to treat individuals with respect and empower them to LEARN! When you teach a child HOW TO LEARN you realize you don't have to teach them everything because they will know how to continue to learn!
It is honestly very scary! But as long as we are all confident and know that we are the best WE can be, everything else will follow. It's practice, and you can't get that unless you dive into the field and get right down to it :)
ReplyDeleteI agree-I am the same way!
Here's a question: on the first day of your freshman year were you scared and full of "what-ifs"? On the first day of your first job were you scared also? When you went on your first date? Your first performance? Your first test?
ReplyDeleteLife is full of these scary moments and more of those even scarier "what-ifs". But with each of those, did you get through them? Did you make mistakes? Of course you did! All of us have! And in the future, guess what? You're going to make more of them! So make your mistakes with pride, just as long as you learn from them and do not let your fear of those "what-ifs" hold you back.
One of my favorite quotes: "Do not fear death, fear the life not lived."
Hope this helps,
Steff
I found this post to be interesting and quite comforting as well. First, I think we all have felt this way at one point in time or another, and I apprciate your honesty and concern. I think it shows that you're aware that there will be faults at any given time during one's professonal career, but I feel the key point to remember is what are you going to do when these downfalls happen? Make a mistake or bad lesson into a learning experience. I think it's important to be able to step back and self analyze our own work as well as the work of our peers. If you can do that, and turn a mistake into a lesson learned, then I really think there's nothing to fear at all. :o)
ReplyDeleteWhat-ifs are probably the most terrifying questions in the world. Any life decision you've ever made can be questioned in an instant with a simple what-if. What if I hadn't gone to Eastern? What if I had stayed at home near my family? What if I hadn't worked all summer and gotten to see my grandfather more? What if I hadn't been assigned a certain dorm room next to a certain fellow SED 337 classmate? What if I hadn't had a family member with Downs Syndrome? What if I hadn't chosen to go into OS?
ReplyDeleteThese questions are all pretty personal and specific but at the same time I know other people could pull the same sorts of questions from their own life.
At this point, I don't want to try and answer any of those questions but that also leads me to ask myself "What if I need those answers?"
Yes, Natalie I have those same feelings sometimes and wondering how my first day of school with the students is going to be or what I going to say or how my classroom is going to be ran? I think about those things often. But I think sometimes that we over analyze things and I know that I think too much about things, but its hard not too when this is going to be my future career.
ReplyDeleteNatalie... that is stuff I think about all the time. I mean anything that is unknown is pretty scary, but it seems even scarier when you are talking about being someone who will shape and help others grow in their knowledge. But I think that the fears that I have just help me to make sure that I take in any information that I can to ensure that I will be the best teacher that I can be.
ReplyDeleteThis is an excellent topic that most of us can relate to. I worry every day about whether or not I can pull off being a teacher. Deaf studies fascinate me, however, teaching seems to be a bigger leap. Hopefully, with this class and the many more to come, we can each learn and grow. We must remember that we never stop learning.
ReplyDeleteI'm striving to be a deaf educator as well. The further I get in to my major, the more I want to change...yet I CAN'T. I like it too much. But when i first walked into class and EVERYONE was signing...that was terrifying. I don't know much sign yet, and I'm in a class where everyone knows it. It's kind of odd. I've wanted this since I was 4. yeah...I'm following my heart from what I decided when I was 4 years old. I've never changed my mind or anything. But I'm so scared. I keep hoping it will get easier. Or that I'll suddenly be okay with what I'm doing. You know, I'll love my job once it's there...but being in regular and deaf ed, it's weird seeing both sides. Deaf ed is what I want...but it's a matter of convincing myself of that, I guess.
ReplyDeleteI completly agree with how scary what-if's are. I have so many what if's its it drives me insane, but eventually we have to just stop "what ifing" and over analyzing and do what were passionate about. Yeh were going to make mistakes yes we will probably have that wow, I just goofed moment but we will learn from them. That's how you learn and grow is making mistakes. With each mistake you make think of everything you'll learn. It's just a positive way to look at a scary situation, it helps me get through.
ReplyDeleteWell, it's okay to have those scary moments. What ifs can really nag at anyone. I know I have them rather frequently. I am an interpreting major, and wanting to interpret for all kinds of people. What if i'm not any good. What if I don't understand what they are telling me?
ReplyDeleteWhat If i can't ethically decide a good decision in sticky situations??
All these questions constantly pop up in my head, but you know what, you just have to trust yourself. Trust the program you're in. Trust the knowledge you're gaining. Trust that the teachers know what they are doing.
You are your own worst critic, so you will always be harder on yourself than other people are. Have a little faith, and you have a little bit of time before you graduate. So just prepare yourself... easier said than done, but welcome mistakes! You learn a great deal from them. And no one is perfect :)
Chelsea Eddins
I totally agree - often times those thoughts pop up in my head too, as an interpreting major. I constantly think about "well what would I do in that situation? would I be able to make a good decision?" and if not, what would that mean? would the consumer have lost a significant amount of critical information? would the interpreting profession in that particular line of work struggle in the future because of my mistakes? would I have less job security? But, I also realize that these questions push me to try harder, think deeper, and be better.
ReplyDeleteI had one of the former students tell me once that I had to trust the program I was in. She said that although I wouldn't necessarily feel like I was improving and that so many thoughts of insecurity would pop up, that I had to believe in myself and believe in what I was being taught.
I also have this little theory that because we are more aware of mistakes that can be made, we recognize the ones we're making much easier than before. Although before we would be making the same mistakes and probably more, we didn't know about them therefore they weren't recognized. So I would feel like I was improving in leaps and bounds. But now that I have a clearer awareness of the problems that could arise, I see them much easier and quicker in myself. That alone shows that you're growing, even though your heart is telling you you haven't.
Just have faith :)
-Kristi Hamm